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Queer Trying to Conceive

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question [Oct. 19th, 2008|11:16 pm]
Queer Trying to Conceive
Are there ANY lesbian couples or groups where both or all partners have tried to conceive and/or have gotten pregnant AT THE SAME TIME?
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(no subject) [Sep. 30th, 2008|06:53 pm]
Queer Trying to Conceive

hi. my name is Ben, i'm FTM and 30. my wife and i are planning on our first insem this januarary.
we kept putting it off and putting it off, for lots of reasons, first (1.5 years ago) she didnt want to be pregnant at our wedding, then we moved internationally and started new jobs etc so we wanted to wait until after we got settled. then school started again (she teaches) and she wanted to get the 1st semester done with. then she thought she was going overseas that january so we thought we'd wait until after that as she didnt want to be going through morning sickness in rural kenya. then that trip got postponed until summer, then late summer. now she IS overseas and i'm in canada so we have to wait until she returns from that and after the holidays. she returns in early december and starts teaching again in January and we have guests for the holidays so we'll wait until the new year.
but after that, NO MORE WAITING!
we've had all the tests done, a donor picked, we are ready to go as soon as she returns.
had we begun inseminating last fall like we had hoped to, we might of had a baby by now!

she's had 2 previous pregnancies, both first trimester terminations (different partners), one had complications and would of most likely miscarried anyway. she's having some guilt about her past but we are both excited for our future!
early on i had some grief over not being able to impregnate her, especially watching 2 of my brothers and their wives have babies in the past 2 years. the one thing we both wanted more then anything i wasnt able to give her. i'm generally an easy going guy, and havent had many emotional issues with my transition but this was one thing i really struggled with. i know that's a pretty normal feeling, the grief, but it doesnt lessen the pain.

we've also considered adoption, and hope to do so in the future, but she wants to birth a child first. before adoption or fostering becomes a reality we have to settle into our new home (Toronto) a bit more and become permanant residents (its like having a green card).

i've been a lurker for quite awhile now , i felt i didnt have much to contribute to the commentary as we were sort of 'on hold' for so long. lets hope that ends soon.
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(re) intro [Sep. 30th, 2008|09:39 am]
Queer Trying to Conceive

Ok, so this is me.

I am 29 years old, in a committed relationship with my girlfriend of 5 and 1/2 years. My name is Rose, her name is Jen. We originally had planned for Jen to be the birthmother. She is older than I am, just turned 36, and she felt strongly that she wanted to carry a child. I was like, sure, whatever, I've got more time if I decide I want to do that do.

SO. We started with that. We did four inseminations...but things weren't going as we had hoped. Jen's cycles were unpredictable. She saw a fertility specialist to find out why. Their conclusion was tht she's probably coming toward the end of her eggs...uncommon for someone her age, but not impossible. The bloodwork that they did at the fertility center also revealed that she is a carrier for the SMA gene. SMA is spinal muscular atrophy. A seriously debilitating and usually deadly disease. Its not something that sperm banks test for, so we would have had to select a donor, get him to come in for bloods for SMA testing, wait for those results...and if he was positive, then start all over again. 1 in 40 people has this gene, so it wouldn't be so weird to find someone who was also a carrier. And all this when it wasn't very likely that Jen would get pregnant anyway.

As the info started coming in, we started talking about me carrying our child. I was ambivalent at first. Even though I thought it was a good idea and I very much want to have children with my partner, I was scared too. But then we had some longer talks, and I realized my fears were based on some personal baggage, which I got over and started to get really psyched about carrying.

I've started charting, I'm regular with my ovulation. I've just gone to the gyn for some blood work and the usual exam, just to make sure everything is as it should be. We're going to start with IUI early next year (We'd like to try sooner, but a freelance job I was counting on fell through and effected the finances).

I'm really excited and impatient to start inseminating. Having been through all this before trying to get Jen pregnant its all been a long time since we started trying. I'm also nervous. I've gotten used to the ups and downs of trying...the ups and downs of pregnancy and then a baby will be a completely new, daunting, fascinating endeavor.
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(no subject) [Sep. 30th, 2008|06:46 am]
Queer Trying to Conceive

Today is my first day to start testing for ovulation. I'm not expecting anything until later in the week, but I've got to say I'm nervous. Excited too, maybe anxious would be a better word for it. What if it doesn't work... what if it does? Its all consuming when I let myself really think about it.
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Re-Intro [Sep. 29th, 2008|01:55 pm]
Queer Trying to Conceive

[Current Location |work]
[mood |accomplished]

As per our lovely mod’s request:

My name is Smeg, and my partner Ari and I have been trying for more than year now to have a child together. We started out using a fresh KD, then switched a few months ago to a frozen AD.

Because my partner is over 35 and diabetic we’ve started to see some fertility specialists. For the most part this has been a very frustrating experience, having been told she’s too old, too overweight, too gay, etc over and over again with the real issues (namely low progesterone) being ignored for the most part. We even had a doctor tell her that depite being very well acquainted with her cycles (we chart with CM, Cevix appearance, temps, OPKs, etc) she must have ‘missed her ovulation date’ and ‘that wasn’t really a period’ so ‘take some drugs to force your body into a REAL period’. Needless to say we ignored that and moved on with our lives. I’ve also had to fend off my share of doctors eyeing MY womb as a good place to put a baby. (I’m in decent health, 27, average weight).

So, currently doing at-home IUI with frozen.

Non-ttc-wise we live in Spokane, Washington. My inlaws live in the basement, we have one ten year old girlchild (from her previous marriage), one dog, three cats, 100+ chickens, 6 ducks and a couple quail. Two years ago I moved from being a flight attendant in Atlanta to working for her parents in the garage remodeling business.

-looks around- Who’s next?
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Updated Intro [Sep. 28th, 2008|08:31 pm]
Queer Trying to Conceive

Since this community I thought I'd call out for some updated intros!

I'll start since I'm the mod.
I'm a 33 (34 in October) queer-identified dyke tomboy. My partner (Jake) is a genderqueer butch and we have a third co-parent (the boy) who is a FTM. I've been trying to conceive since October 2006. We started with frozen at home ICI insems about every other cycle. Then we found a wonderful local gay man who was willing to be a donor for us. On the fifth try in March of 2008 with him I conceived and almost immediately miscarried. While I was recovering from the m/c our donor got an amazing job offer...in Abu Dhabi...and he had to leave in a month. We went back to frozen, added Clomid and did IUIs. Then a friend found us a new donor, the catch was that he is all the way on the East Coast! (We are in Oregon.) So we found some fresh sperm shipper kits, stopped the Clomid and got our first overnight sperm delivery last Friday. We are very DIY in our conception process and pretty determined to keep it that way...at least for a little while longer.
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So much for patience [Sep. 28th, 2008|08:26 pm]
Queer Trying to Conceive

[mood |jealousjealous]

I was doing so well too!

A friend, my former queer midwife, has announced that she is 12 weeks pregnant. She has been trying for awhile (but not as many tries as me) and, although I'm happy for her, I'm absolutely a wreck about it. She's been trying to plan a time to see us for a couple weeks. My guess is to tell us personally and privately that she is pregnant. But the boy overheard a conversation about it today at a birthday party that she wasn't at. The boy tried to be gentle in telling me once we got home. At first I tried to act okay about it but when I heard that she got pregnant from an insem they did the night of their wedding and ovulated on her honeymoon I lost it. It was just too picture perfect. It was just so unfair. I went upstairs and cried...no, I did more than cry, I threw a complete fit. ::sigh::

To make this worse is that we are both attending the same Rosh Hashanna potluck on Tuesday and likely the same Yom Kippur services. I can't even take a couple weeks to get used to the idea! Somehow it is worse because she is the first among our small circle to have a kid. This is the first person I'll see at all our group's social events who is pregnant. She will try to be sensitive, I know, but nothing she does or says is going to take away the pain of watching her go through pregnancy when I am not. I'm trying to hard right now not to feel hopeless, to try to feel that I have a chance of getting pregnant too. But it is just so hard.
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2 years & Keeping Hope [Sep. 27th, 2008|07:27 pm]
Queer Trying to Conceive

[mood |hopefulhopeful]

I have done our first insem with our new known donor! This is our first foray into shipping fresh and just about everything went without a hitch. We even checked it out with our little toy microscope and saw movement. Jake even looked almost 8 hours after delivery and still saw wigglers! I feel like I'm about to pop and egg soon. We are getting another "package" on Tuesday morning (on Rosh Hashana! - Jewish New Year).

I'm heading into my second year of ttc as of October. It has been an odd and difficult journey so far. I've learned a lot about patience and hope. I'm hoping it won't be much longer but I'm ready to keep going for a good long while.
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(no subject) [Sep. 23rd, 2008|11:57 am]
Queer Trying to Conceive

Good news from Dr. Josh: Even though I am 43, my FSH/LH are both well within normal for baby-making. w00t!

Bad news from Dr. Josh: He doesn't do IUI, so I will need to call around and see who I can find who has a good BFP percentage!
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Intro [Sep. 23rd, 2008|06:22 am]
Queer Trying to Conceive

[mood |excitedexcited]

Greetings folks!

My husband (who is ftm) and I have decided to get pregnant hence my intro here. :o) We've wanted kids on and off for 11 years, but suddenly it was time. We plan to home grow one or two (since the clock is ticking) and then adopt a sibling group.

We had the specimen delivered to our clinic, and are ready and waiting for the right time to start using the ovulation testers.

For those of you who have done this--is IUI painful? It will be worth it in the long run, but If it happens during the week I'm wondering how likely it is that I'll be heading back to work after the procedure.

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