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Queer Trying to Conceive

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Intro [Jan. 1st, 2009|08:57 pm]
Queer Trying to Conceive

queer_ttc

[charity_lee]
well..here we go! This is starting to make it official i guess, kind of scary to be honest.

Any ways, I am Bio Femme, 26, living in Eugene, Oregon, married to a fantastic, handsome, and wickedly wonderful FtM who is 36. We have been together for going on 4 years (lost count to be honest), and Married officially for 2 years on June 22nd. We are officially TTC starting this month. I am going to carry, and He is going to get me preggo (via a syringe and a buddy of ours who is willing to donate). We are very excited, scared, and looking forward to this new chapter of our life. now, on to a question....or ten...

1. For others who have gone the artificial insemination at home rout, and have had a friend donate the goo, how have you protected your self against the friend trying to come back later on and trying to get rights to the child? i guess my concern is that at a later date, with out some sort of paper work involved, that our friend (even though i dont think he would), could try to get some sort of rights to the future child.

we really dont have any other option beside this, or me going out and finding random guy at a bar..-shudders- no thanks...so i guess i also want to know, how did this work out for you?

thanks!!

-flei
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: azureverizon
2009-01-02 02:59 pm (UTC)
I don't have any advice on using a known donor or doing home insems since we didn't look into or do either, but I wanted to wish you luck on your journey. Along with on LJ, you might find some people who took this route on rainbowconceptions.com
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[User Picture]From: yeledov
2009-01-02 04:57 pm (UTC)
Welcome fellow Oregonian! (I'm in Portland.) I'm doing the known donor route and can give you some info on it. Unfortunately, I've been ttc for a long time (over 2 years now) and have had plenty of time to research all of this. I've done it all; frozen at home, local known donor at home, frozen at a clinic with drugs (briefly) and currently a long-distance known donor.

So, with known donors there are no protections you can do right now. Any donor contract or agreement you do doesn't hold up in the courts. However, it is good to do one to show intent and to clarify everything for everyone involved. Once you are preggo you can draw up papers for the donor to give up rights to the child but even those can't be signed until after birth. Once that is done then your hubby can do a second-parent adoption. Things may be streamlined for you since you two are recognized as an officially "married couple" but definately talk to an experienced family lawyer on that one. From what I'm told the whole process is pretty simple here in Oregon.

Have you been tracking your cycles? Did you have your KD tested for stds yet? It is a good idea to also get a very basic sperm analysis for you donor before putting in all the work of ttc. I've heard of too many people trying for months only to find their KD was shooting blanks!

Feel free to email me if you have questions or if you and your sweetie are ever in Portland and want to meet for coffee/tea. I'm the mod of this group and my email is in the group info section.
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[User Picture]From: charity_lee
2009-01-02 11:44 pm (UTC)
yeah, i have been tracking, i think i may have messed up last month though and when i wrote down my date i wrote it down wrong...so blah..oops...blond moment..as for my cycles though, they are on time, and quie regular thankfully. my KD is std free as well, and healthy, so i think we are on track for that.

now, when the child is born, my husband will be put on the BS as the Father, since he will be there, and the only person who knows who the donor is happens to be my mom. but yes, there will be paper work.

i would love to meet up some time, that would be fabulous, and same if you ever make it down this direction!
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[User Picture]From: sandokai
2009-01-02 10:18 pm (UTC)
You definitely need to have paperwork drawn up by a lawyer if you want to ensure your wishes regarding things like custody are met. It might cost a bit, but MUCH less expensive than a child (that is, if you can afford a child then you can afford the paperwork), and much less expensive than a custody battle.

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[User Picture]From: irisblue23
2009-01-04 03:43 am (UTC)
Best of luck! My husband and I used a sperm bank so I'm not sure what the best route is for your situation.
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