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Hi. I'm Adam. I'm 18 and a FTM,pre-physical transistion. I have… - Queer Trying to Conceive [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Queer Trying to Conceive

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[Oct. 30th, 2008|12:01 am]
Queer Trying to Conceive
queer_ttc
[nukey_sama]
Hi. I'm Adam. I'm 18 and a FTM,pre-physical transistion.

I have been going through wanting to become pregnant, give birth, and raise kids for about 2 or 3 months now. Well, I've always wanted kids but never this badly and to this extent.

I have a boyfriend...and the funny thing is he wants to get pregnant,too. As in, he wants to CARRY a baby INISIDE him. He's gay a bit effiminate, but definately not MTF or anything like that. For a while, I thought this hilarious, but now I REALLY understand him.

So, we both want to get pregnant...only I'm the only one who can. The bad thing is, though, we're both in college. I'm a cosmetology major, and should be in school for another year and a half. He's a video game design major and is going for four years: 2 years at the college where we are now and then onto Full Sail University in Florida(we live in Mississippi) for another 2 years.

I have a few questions:

I will be getting my certificate and all in a year and a half or less. I will be doing hair, make-up, and possibly tattoos and piercings. You can make some pretty good money right there. Not TOTALLY rich, but still. He works pretty good jobs and he's got good finaicial aid and good grades and all.

Should we wait to try to conceive AFTER he graduates and gets his degree? Or can we do it after we just get financialy stable? Yes, I realize how expensive children are, espeically in this generation. And I do realize that you have to READY to raise children...and for the right reasons.

Should I wait to do hormones AFTER i give birth?

When I change my name legally can my name change on my children's birth certificates? Will I also have to go through a bunch of other legal shit with my kids as I transistion to male?

Please answer my questions. Thank you for your time. Have a good night.

<3,
Adam

P.S. Any other FTMs in my situation or have "been there, done that"?

linkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: xxladyjxx
2008-10-30 10:13 am (UTC)
Hi Adam,
I'm Joanie, partnered with my wife Terry for 6 years and we have a 5.5 month old baby girl, Isabella.
I've dated several FTMs in the past, and from what I understand and the reading I've done, you should definitely wait to start T until after you give birth, especially if you want to breast feed, that is most certainly a consideration and you'd want to speak with your endocrinologist, as well with regards to that.
You'd have to go through your local courts to change names on any documents. As far as legalities go, any child that came out of your body is your baby. You will have to deal with questions from your child at some point, I'm sure, but that is something that every queer person I know has to deal with when they choose to start a family. Good luck! Let me know if you ever want to talk. :)
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[User Picture]From: sandokai
2008-10-30 11:40 am (UTC)
I'm always a fan of waiting, but that's because I didn't feel ready to try to have a kid until age 30! You really change and grow a LOT in your 20s. I'm not saying you should wait 10 years, but I don't see a reason to rush either. That's my bias though, there are a lot of 18 year old parents who would disagree with me I realize.

Definitely ask your doctor about the hormones and pregnancy.

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[User Picture]From: cluckydude
2008-10-30 01:42 pm (UTC)
Been there, doing that!

Should we wait to try to conceive AFTER he graduates and gets his degree? Or can we do it after we just get financialy stable? Yes, I realize how expensive children are, espeically in this generation. And I do realize that you have to READY to raise children...and for the right reasons.

::shrug:: Your call, dude. I'm PhD student, and I'm waiting to find out if I'm knocked up right now. I worked full time through undergrad and before that, and I can tell you that in my fourth year of being a full-time student, my life and schedule are a lot more flexible now than they were when I was working.

There are several advantages to being a student and having a kid, especially if you've got student loans and financial stability might be a ways off, you might actually be ahead if you factor in your time and other resources (i.e. health insurance) through your university.

Should I wait to do hormones AFTER i give birth?

I didn't - but when I started T, I didn't plan to get pregnant. I know lots of people who have done it both ways. Starting T before having kids could end those plans, it's impossible to say what the impact on your fertility will be before you actually go on T, are on it for a while, and then go off it.

It could be nothing. It could improve your fertility (the first year off T especially), but it could be devastating.

My advice to any FTM thinking about hormones before kids is "Be prepared for T to completely obliterate your fertility. If it doesn't, that's a bonus. But don't count on it."

When I change my name legally can my name change on my children's birth certificates? Will I also have to go through a bunch of other legal shit with my kids as I transistion to male?

I don't know about this, but you could also consider the possibility of changing your name before you have kids, and/or before you start T. What you can do with the birth certificates likely depends on the state where the kids were born. But, you likely don't have to worry about your transition affecting your legal status with regard to your kids, unless you have a vindictive ex (or possibly grandparents or other relatives) in the picture, then all bets are off.

You might want to join [Unknown LJ tag] (that might not be the exact name, but there is a group of trans parents on LJ).
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[User Picture]From: cluckydude
2008-10-30 01:43 pm (UTC)
Er, rather - transparents.
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[User Picture]From: yeledov
2008-10-31 08:47 pm (UTC)
Welcome Adam!

Most of these questions only you can answer. I think finances play a very small part in this very big decision.

I wasn't ready at your age but I've met young parents who were ready and do a wonderful job of it. The third member of our household (we are a poly family) is a 23yr old FTM and was the primary caregiver of a child when he was about 19-20. He has no interest in birthing himself but he is soooo ready to be a papa to a child I birth.

I would recommend changing your name before you birth a child if you can. Switching everything after the child is born is just an extra expense that you don't need.

Good luck in figuring all this out!
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